musicianlover18

One of my closest friends, she is absolutely brilliant and I adore her. 
#piano #pianomusic #music 

              I wanted to thank everyone for their amazing support lately, it means a lot. 
                                        I'm sorry for anyone who still is awaiting my reply. It's been very challenging 
                                        just keeping up with my irl responsibilities. Saw a doctor yesterday, and we're 
                                        trying a new mood stabilizer that should help me cope a bit better. Their bedside 
                                       manner left a lot to be desired. Describing me as a waste of time, money, how they 
                                    could have been seeing other patients during this time who were better at being honest. 
                                    But luckily I have the support of friends that have kept me afloat. And I feel very, very lucky. 

Recently discovered a friendly face who I see on my way home from school makes incredible music. 
I don't ordinarily listen to music in the worship genre. But he definitely has a gift. Give him a listen when you have a chance ^_^ 

1. What is your favorite season? I have favorite things about every season! 
2. What is your favorite type of monster? I love mythical monsters like Dragons, Siren and Pegasus. 
3. Do you have a favorite NFL team? Chicago Bears 
4. If you could be any animal what would you want to be? I would love to be a turtle 
5. Do you like 80's music? Of course! 
6. Do you play any instruments? No, unfortunately  
7. Favorite food? I like ramen noodles, sweets and creamy stew. 
8. Favorite movie? Pixar movies like UP and Finding Dory, Ghibli Movies, Harry Potter and I recently watched Girl Interrupted. 
9. Favorite superhero? SAILOR MOON! 
10. Do you like to stay up late or wake up at the crack of dawn? ...My sleeping patterns are for private conversation lol. 
11. Birthday in April? Nope, June. 
12. Sweet tea or lemonade? Sweet Tea. 
13. Cookies or cake? Ooh, tough call. I have to say cookies. 

 

I’m feeling this afternoon very alone and alienated. I recognize these are normal emotions to have but still, because of their nature you sometimes think that you are truly isolated from the rest of the world. Rie has been struggling a lot lately and the only comfort I had was that she was letting me be there for her during these trying, overwhelming times. But now she pushes me away just like everyone else and it leaves me wanting to cry. Because now I have to watch her hurt and not do anything. Whenever I try and reach out or make her smile, it seems I’m only adding to her frustration. People at school think I’m strange because I write like an old poet, yet wear rompers with hearts on them. I make no effort to try conforming to how others behave and interact around me. I don’t want to talk about generic things like politics or YouTube. I want to discuss literature, science and abstract concepts that aren’t bound to our reality. Today while waiting at the bus-stop for the bus with a dozen or so people, I began to perform with enthusiasm. Everything from Bon Jovi to Broadway classics. I looked at the soulless eyes of those sitting quietly and felt guilty for existing. Those who did bother to face up, gave me a scornful glare. I love to dance and skip in the rain and embrace the coldness that wraps about my small, soaked frame. I feel the wind blow against me in graceful wisps. It feels invigorating.

I have very uninteresting plans for the weekend. I have to polish up my manuscript, write one page of personal reflection and then another on how this course helped me evolve as a writer. Then finally, edit a few papers that I have shoved in a drawer. Next week, I’m hopefully going to be visiting Chuck E Cheese with Amy and Peter. Much to my delight. I wish I could be of more help to Rie, it hurts. To watch her as if from afar when I’m right freaking here. And then selfish things come out of my mouth about how at least she could try and be supportive of me. Which she is even in this most unfortunate disposition, so why I say such terrible things is unredeemable and I know it. I just want to bring my carefree sister back to the surface, to see that she is no longer hindering her own smile. But I cannot force such things and I must learn to show her the patience that she almost always has shown to me. It’s hard. I feel tired and weak against this overwhelming future. It’s like I’m only starting to beckon against the vast and unforgiving oceans and already, I’m drowning under the merciless waves that come right after the other. And there is nobody there to hold my hand. I stand quiet beneath the falling sheets of rain and smile. Because only then do I feel as if I’m in the presence of God.  

No longer alone.